My brains will explode. Well, more likely melt. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry or rip someone's face off.

First of all:

You DON'T (and let me repeat, DON'T) know what it feels like to love something so much your brain is getting dizzy, and then have it ripped away from you. Well, maybe you do. But you don't know what it's like to have to leave something, detach it from your mind and heart so you know it won't hurt as much when you leave it.

Second of all:
Life sucks. I hate life. I'm afraid of life. Therefore, I decided it would be better if I was not alive at all.

Third of all:
I don't want to be a coward, because if life is the thing I hate, I'm going to face it. No matter how hard it is.

Fourth of all:
It's hard to... control yourself. I really, really want to, and I've almost always had, all my life. I've not cried for... several years? I've not expressed my overwhelming feelings for something for a while either. Believe me, if I didn't restrain myself I'd either be crying my head off, killing everyone, killing myself, or hugging and kissing everyone. I'm pretty emotional. So I keep it under control... but here's the bad news. It's leaking.

Finally:
This post is really a small version of his section of my life right now. I'm... least to say, confused. And angry. And sad. And disbelieving. But most of all (I think), I'm giving up.

I hope this won't last.